I know this is a little late but better late than never. I did have plans to film a video for January but never got to it so it’ll just be a blog post for now.

The theme for January is courage.

I had to think really hard on this one because honestly I can’t think about a time where I have any courage. So I thought back to a time where I was honestly really depress and stress out. 

Almost two years ago I graduated with a BA in Psychology. While I should have been happy that I was graduating college. I was not. I was very depress and worried about what I was going to do after graduating. I remember I would cry at night because I felt like a failure and the people around me didn’t make it any better.

Growing up people tell you that you should go to college. Some even said that going to college right after high school is the ideal thing to do and you should aim for a four-year college instead of a community college. So that was what I did even though I have no idea what I was going to major in or what other careers are out there besides being a doctor or teacher.

I got into a four-year college, moved out of my parents house and decided I wanted to major in psychology because it sounded interesting. And honestly it was the only major that was familiar to me at that time. Though I did have to look up what psychology was before putting it as my major. I thought I was going to be a psychologist. I had planned to go to grad school and eventually open up my own business eventually.

Three years in and I realized that being a psychologist was not for me. But what do I do? I don’t want to drop out because I was so close to finishing but at the same time I knew that I was not going to do anything in the psychology field. So I decided to just finish and get my degree. My last year of college was my hardest year. I was depress and always worrying about what I was going to do with my life. The closer graduation came the more I felt like a failure. Facebook was my enemy because hearing what people are going to do after graduation made me feel even worst about myself.

After graduation I took a year off from school. I had to think hard about what I wanted to do. What did I enjoy doing? One thing I knew was that I was not going to go to grad school.

Once I figured out what I truly enjoyed doing the next thing was should I go back to school. I was looking into going back to community college because it was cheap. But I felt like I was talking a step backward. No one knew about my decision besides my best friend. She supported me though everything and gave me support to just go a head and do it.

Going back to community college for graphic design was the best thing I could have done. Whether it is Composting in Photoshop to photography or even web designing and coding, I am loving every second of it, minus the late night classes.

I admit sometimes I still feel like a failure but I don’t let it got to me. I think about how much I am enjoying my classes now and how much better I am compared to two years ago.

I still don’t know what I want to do, but  I know there are so much more opportunity for me now. And whichever career path I choose I know it would be something I enjoy doing.

P.S. I know I said my last year of colleges was the worst but it was somehow my best too. I created a YouTube channel and even started a mini blog. It may have not been much but those two were the things that got me through my last semester of school.