I don’t think I’m funny. At least I don’t think I try to be funny. I remember in high school when I am with my friends I find myself making fun my weight way more than I should have.I make myself the butt of a joke so no one else can.

Back then I figure if I make fun of myself then that leaves no more room for others to make fun of me. I can’t explain why I thought that way all I know is that was my train of thought. It made so much sense to me.

“I thought I had to be the funny fat friend”

I was able to make people laugh at my fat jokes and it was OK because I was fat. It’s so hard to think back now because of the girl I use to be. Yes I was joking and making everyone laugh but every time I made a joke I was hurting myself. I tore down on what little self-esteem I had. My friends didn’t do that, I did that to myself.

It took me a long time to understand that I making jokes about myself was not helping me. Behind each joke was the truth about how I truly felt about myself and that was why it hurt so much when I would say those things about myself.

I learned that I didn’t need to tear myself down to make other people like me. None if my friends cared that I was fat. They are going to like me as me whether I was fat or not and if they did then that was their problems not mine.

I thought I had to be the funny fat friend to get people to like me. I made fun of myself to protect me from being hurt by the words of other people.

I didn’t have to be the funny fat friend. I just had to be myself. I’m sarcastic, very sarcastic. I may be shy and seem intimidating at first but once you get to know me I’m very talkative.  I get along with a lot of people and I don’t need to make fat jokes about myself to do that.

“I didn’t have to be the funny fat friend.”